Source: The Onion
What is Hitlamdut?
Rabbi Shela Peltz Weinberg
“Cultivating awareness, sometimes called curiosity, investigation or beginner's mind.”
1. In practice, what do you think this curiosity or "beginner's mind" looks like?
2. How do you exemplify this mindset now? And where do you sometimes stumble?
שמחה זיסל מקלם, חכמה ומוסר, ח״ב סי׳ קיג
כל אדם שיש לו חוש באיזה דבר ירגיש מאוד כשיראה דבר מה מזה הענין. למשל: חייט שרואה אדם יביט תיכף על בגדיו, סנדלר - על מנעליו של פלוני, תופר כובעים - על כובעו של פלוני, וכן סוחר במסהרו ירגיש מאוד בדיבור או מעשה שיצא לא ממנו תועלת למסחרו, משא״כ איש אחר לא ישמע ולא יראה הנ״ל, כי לבו אין מסור לבקש ולחקור דברים מזה, כי אין לו חפץ בהם. (ולכן בעבודת השי״ת, מי שיש לו יראת אלוקים, למשל, לשמור את הדברים הפשוטים המבוארים השו״ע, יתלמד מזולתו כשרואה אותם אצלו, משא״כ בדברים אשר לא הורגל בהם - לא ירגיש במעשה זולתו, כמו אהבת הבריות, גמ״ח במעשה ודיבור, נושא בעול עם חברו, למנוע היזק מרבים בהתחכמות -) כל זה אם הוא אין לו הרגש באלה לא יבין להתלמד מזולתו. אם כן הלומד לכל אדם הריהו סוחר גדול, מסחרו בכל משלה, על כן יבין להתלמד מזולתו, ולכן נקרא אדם
Rabbi Simcha Zissel Ziv, Founder of Kelm Yeshiva
Every person that has a special feeling for a certain endeavor will be extremely sensitive when she sees any little thing having to do with that endeavor. For example: When a tailor meets someone he will immediately look at his clothes, the shoemaker –at the shoes, the milliner –at the hat. Similarly a merchant will be very sensitive to any words or actions that will have an impact on his merchandise. Another type of person would not see or hear any of these things because her heart is not given to inquire and investigate anything from these matters because he has no desire for them…all of this, if one is not engaged in such activities will not notice them when performed by others. If this is the case, then one who “learns from every person,” behold, this is a great “merchant,” she trades in everything and thus he understands the necessity to learn from the other and thus is called "Wise."
1. What is one area of your life in which it is easiest for you to show interest? What do you feel naturally drawn to (e.g., an area of your work, family life or hobby)?
2. In what ways does your focus in one of these areas tend to get rote or routine?
3. What are some things you find difficult or challenging to pay attention to, outside of these interests?
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, Alei Shur volume II
There is no place for arrogance in hitlamdut. If I do some action well, behold, I have not done anything to be proud of, because I am only practicing (mitlamed)! And when I am practicing (mitlamed), I recognize that the action was not done perfectly.
Key Elements of Hitlamdut:
- Mindful observation of ourselves (with accept, and change if necessary)
- Mindful observation of those around us
- Lifelong Learning and Growth Mindset
- Letting what we learn actually impact our feelings and thoughts
- Always "in training;" Avoid arrogance and self-deprecation
Cultivating Hitlamdut:
A Step-by-Step Guide
1. A large part of hitlamdut is seeing the familiar as if it were new. Think about something mundane that you do on a regular basis - brushing your teeth, checking Facebook, crossing the street. How do you do that? For example, how hard do I grip my toothbrush? How softly am I brushing? Do my teeth feel cleaner?
*What can I learn from this action?
(ד) ינעול מנעל ימין תחלה ולא יקשרנו ואח"כ ינעול של שמאל ויקשרנו ויחזור ויקשור של ימין: הגה ובמנעלי' שלנו שאין להם קשירה ינעול של ימין תחל' (תוס' פ' במה אשה דס"א):
(4) One should put on the right shoe first and not fasten it, then after that put on the left one and fasten it, and return and fasten the right one. Rem"a: And in the case of our shoes which do not have a fastening, one puts the right one on first. (Tosafot)
1. What does the choreography look like?
2. Why do you think the right comes first and the left second?
3. What broader lessons can we learn from this simple act? (right foot first, starting off with strength; left connects to tefillin - echoes of something else; shoes become least holy and become avenue for holiness)
Upon hearing the sound of the rooster, one should recite: Blessed…Who gave the heart [sekhvi] understanding to distinguish between day and night.
Upon opening his eyes, one should recite: Blessed…Who gives sight to the blind.
Upon sitting up straight, one should recite: Blessed…Who sets captives free.
Upon dressing, one should recite: Blessed…Who clothes the naked, as they would sleep unclothed.
Upon standing up straight, one should recite: Blessed…Who raises those bowed down.
Upon descending from one’s bed to the ground, one should recite: Blessed…Who spreads the earth above the waters, in thanksgiving for the creation of solid ground upon which to walk.
Upon walking, one should recite: Blessed…Who makes firm the steps of man.
Upon putting on his shoes, one should recite: Blessed…Who has provided me with all I need, as shoes are a basic necessity.
Upon putting on his belt, one should recite: Blessed…Who girds Israel with strength.
Upon spreading a shawl upon his head, one should recite: Blessed…Who crowns Israel with glory.
In groups, discuss a mundane behavior - cutting your fingernails, buttoning your shirt, brushing you teeth, pressing snooze on your alarm clock - and in chevruta, work with each other to dissect these mundane behaviors and extract a lesson from it.
2. What minor behavior, trait, or piece of wisdom can I learn from a friend of mine? Refocusing from an instinct of critique to one of hitlamdut, constant learning, what three positive things can I learn from my friend?
The Gemara cites other expositions that deal with Torah study. Rabbi Ḥama, son of Rabbi Ḥanina, said: What is the meaning of that which is written: “Iron sharpens iron, so a person sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17)? This verse comes to tell you that just as with these iron implements, one sharpens the other when they are rubbed against each other, so too, when Torah scholars study together, they sharpen one another in their legal studies.
1. When have you been "sharpened" by a study companion or rival?
2. What do you make of the image of weaponry?
3. In your experience, what are the benefits and drawbacks of "intellectual dueling"?
3. We interact with many acquaintances everyday. Bus drivers, canvassers, cashiers, homeless people, children. Hitlamdut asks us to learn from them.
It also challenges us to learn from those we might instinctively blame or critique.
Share a time when a friend, acquaintance, or college found themselves in trouble after poor decisions.
What was your instinctive reaction? Did you find yourself blaming them at all? If so, why do you think that is?
How might you be similarly vulnerable?
(based on Tikkun Middot Project Curriculum)
בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר, אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קיט) מִכָּל מְלַמְּדַי הִשְׂכַּלְתִּי כִּי עֵדְוֹתֶיךָ שִׂיחָה לִּי. אֵיזֶהוּ גִבּוֹר, הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי טז) טוֹב אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם מִגִּבּוֹר וּמשֵׁל בְּרוּחוֹ מִלֹּכֵד עִיר. אֵיזֶהוּ עָשִׁיר, הַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קכח) יְגִיעַ כַּפֶּיךָ כִּי תֹאכֵל אַשְׁרֶיךָ וְטוֹב לָךְ. אַשְׁרֶיךָ, בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה. וְטוֹב לָךְ, לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. אֵיזֶהוּ מְכֻבָּד, הַמְכַבֵּד אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל א ב) כִּי מְכַבְּדַי אֲכַבֵּד וּבֹזַי יֵקָלּוּ:
Ben Zoma says: Who is the wise one? He who learns from every peron, as it says, "I have acquired understanding from all my teachers" (Psalms 119:99). Who is the mighty one? He who conquers his desire, as it says, "slowness to anger is better than a mighty person." (Proverbs 16:32). Who is the rich one? He who is happy with his lot, as it says, "When you eat [from] the work of your hands, you will be happy, and it will be well with you" (Psalms 128:2). "You will be happy" in this world, and "it will be well with you" in the world to come. Who is honored? He who honors the created beings, as it says, "For, those who honor Me, I will honor; and those who despise me will be held in little esteem" (I Samuel 2:30).
(ג) הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא קָטָן מִמֶּנּוּ. שֶׁכֵּיוָן שֶׁאֵינוֹ חָס עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ וְלוֹמֵד מִן הַקְּטַנִּים, נִכָּרִים הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁחָכְמָתוֹ הוּא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם וְלֹא לְהִתְיַהֵר וּלְהִתְפָּאֵר בָּהּ:
(3) "He who learns from every person": And even though [that person that he learns from] is lesser than he. As since he is not concerned about his honor and learns from the lesser ones, [it shows] that his wisdom is for the sake of Heaven and not to boast and revel in.
In what ways has this particular obstacle impacted you?
What are other obstacles do you encounter to learning from others?
רבי אומר למה נסמכה פרשת נזיר לפרשת סוטה לומר לך שכל הרואה סוטה בקלקולה יזיר עצמו מן היין
Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says: Why is the portion of a nazirite (Numbers, chapter 6) placed adjacent to the portion of a sota (Numbers, chapter 5)? This was done to tell you that anyone who sees a sota in her disgrace as she undergoes the rite of the bitter water should renounce wine, as wine is one of the causes of sexual transgression, as it loosens inhibitions.
4. Everything on this earth has something to teach us, otherwise why would it have been created? What are three things you can learn from the animal kingdom?
5. We are so connected, yet so spread out. We are over-saturated emotionally detached to what we read in the news. What can we learn from what we read in the news? About God, the world, or ourselves? How can we emotionally connect or react to the events we hear about and not feel apathy towards them? What is an example of something you learned/observed recently that really had an impact on you?
Dr. Viktor E. Frenkl, Man's Search for Meaning
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Rabbi Abraham Joshue Heschel, The Prophets
The prophet is not a mouthpiece, but a person; not an instrument, but a partner, an associate of God. Emotional detachment would be understandable only if there were a command which required the suppression of emotion, forbidding one to serve God "with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might." God, we are told, asks not only for "works," for action, but above all for love, awe, and fear. We are called upon to "wash" our hearts (Jer. 4:14), to remove "the fore-skin" of the heart (Jer. 4:4), to return with the whole heart (Jer. 3: 1 0) - "You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13). The new covenant which the Lord will make with the house of Israel will be written upon their hearts (Jer. 31:31-34).
6. Think about your siblings, your parents, or your children. How in tune are you with their feelings? When you feel anxious, stressed, or upset, how easily do you respond to their needs? When do you lash out, and when do you really try to understand why they are behaving a certain way, or are you acting out of habit? What can I learn about myself in these moments? Try three times a day to think about your loved ones and understand why they are feeling or behaving in a certain way. As well, what can I learn about how I behave with or speak to them?
(יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יקוק
(18) You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your countrymen. Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.
(*alternatively: Love your neighbor [who is a fellow human being] like yourself. I am the LORD [who created all of you in my image].)
How would this growth mindset of hitlamdut apply to your professional life, social life, family? How might it change the way you approach your relationships? How could hitlamdut make you a better community leader, friend, spouse, child, or colleague?
Uncertainty (and Potential) as a Virtue
משה בדאי הוא דאמר מר למד לשונך לומר איני יודע שמא תתבדה ותאחז
Moses spoke in accordance with the principle articulated by the Master: Accustom your tongue to say: I do not know, lest you become entangled in a web of deceit.
Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac
Who is wise? He that learns from everyone.
Who is powerful? He that governs his passions.
Who is rich? He that is content.
Who is that? Nobody.
Professor Carol Dweck, The power of believing that you can improve (TED)
I heard about a high school in Chicago where students had to pass a certain number of courses to graduate, and if they didn't pass a course, they got the grade "Not Yet." And I thought that was fantastic, because if you get a failing grade, you think, I'm nothing, I'm nowhere. But if you get the grade "Not Yet", you understand that you're on a learning curve. It gives you a path into the future.