Halachot of Marriage & Divorce

(18) The Eternal God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting helper for him.”

(1) Every man is obligated to marry a woman in order to be fruitful, and to multiply and anyone who doesn't engage in being fruitful and multiplying is as if he spills blood, and lessens the appearance, and causes the divine presence to depart from Israel.

Rem"a: He who does not marry is not allowed to make a blessing or to engage in Torah etc. and he is not called a man, and when he marries a woman, his sins are cast into doubt, as it is said: "One who has found a wife has found goodness and obtains favor in the eyes of God." (Proverbs 18:22)

(21) He used to say: At five years of age the study of Scripture; At ten the study of Mishnah; At thirteen subject to the commandments; At fifteen the study of Talmud; At eighteen the bridal canopy; At twenty for pursuit [of livelihood]; At thirty the peak of strength; At forty wisdom; At fifty able to give counsel; At sixty old age; At seventy fullness of years; At eighty the age of “strength”; At ninety a bent body; At one hundred, as good as dead and gone completely out of the world.

(1) A married woman is included in the category of sexual proscriptions, and kiddushin (the acquisition aspect of marriage) to her is void. In what case are we dealing? With a woman who is definitely married. However, is she is doubtfully married, or doubtfully divorced, then kiddushin is valid by doubt, and she needs a writ of divorce from both men. The same law applies to writs of divorce which are invalid by Rabbinic decree, that if another man came and gave her kiddushin, she needs a writ of divorce from both, from the first (original husband) by Rabbinic decree, and from the second by Biblical law.

(1) Bastards and subjects are forbidden for eternity to the end of days, whether males or females:

(2) No one whose testes are crushed or whose member is cut off shall be admitted into the congregation of the Eternal.

(1) Any woman who is divorced or widowed may not get married or engaged to another until she waits 90 days, excluding the day she was divorced or on which her husband died and the day on which she becomes engaged, so that it be known if she is pregnant or not pregnant, to distinguish between the seed of the former and the seed of the latter.

Rem"a: But she is permitted to make a commitment for marriage without formal engagement (Beit Yosef in the name of a responsum of the Rosh and Terumat haDeshen 217) as long as he doesn't enter into a house with her.

From the day of the writing of the divorce document one counts for a divorcee, even if it was [written] on condition [of going into effect later than the day on which it was written] or she didn't receive it until many years later -- from the day of the writing one counts, for he does not seclude himself with her after writing it for her.

Rem"a: And some say that one counts from the day of the giving of the divorce document (Tur in the name of the Rosh) and in accordance with that it is appropriate to be stringent, thus it appears to me.

And it is a decree of the Sages that even a woman who is unable to give birth, and even if she is divorced or widowed during the engagement period [when sexual relations with the future husband are forbidden], must wait 90 days. Even a minor or an elderly woman or an infertile woman or a woman who never underwent puberty, or even if her husband is abroad or a eunuch or ill or imprisoned, or [even] someone who miscarries after her husband's death, or even a virgin from the engagement period, [all these] must wait 90 days.

(1) One who brings a divorce document who must say: "In front of me it was written and in front of me it was signed," and likewise a single witness who testified for a woman that her husband died, may not marry her because of suspicion [that he lied in order to marry her]; but if he married her, he need not divorce her.

But one who brings a divorce document who needn't say: "In front of me it was written and in front of me it was signed" [i.e. he is just the messenger and not a witness to its writing or signing] is permitted to marry her, since she is not [eligible to] marry based on his word.

And two witnesses who testify for a woman that her husband died, it is permitted for one of them to marry her, since two people don't ordinarily sin for the sake of one [of them]. And see this in this Tur [Even haEzer] 141.

Rem"a: In the responsum of the Ro"sh that he brought in Even haEzer. And there are those who say that even with two [witnesses testifying about the death of her husband], although it is permitted [for one of them to marry her], in any case a pious person will distance himself from this. (Hagahot Maimoni ch. 10 of Gerushin, Kol Bo, and Tosafot on Yevamot.)

(10) RABBEINU GERSHOM DECREED CHEREM for one who marries [another] in addition to his wife, but in regards to a Leverite marriage, he did not decree cherem, and such is also the case with a betrothed woman.

Rema: If he doesn't want to marry another, but rather to release her, and this is the rule in any place that a mitzvah would be delayed -- for instance, if he was married to his wife for ten years and she didn't give birth (Mordechai, Perek 'Hacholetz' Rashba siman 280 and Maharam Padua Siman 19).

However there are those who disagree and say that Rabbeinu Gershom's decree applies even in a case in which a mitzvah is involved, and even in the case of a Levirite marriage, and one must do Chalitza (see Hagahot Mordechai in Yebamot and Ketubot).

And in the case where the first wife is not easily divorceable, e.g. she became mentally infirmed, or the husband is legally allowed to divorce her but she won't accept a Get from him, one should be more lenient and allow him to marry another (see Rashb"a).

And this case if she is betrothed and neither wants to marry him nor to be released from the betrothal. AND HIS [Rabbeinu Gershom's] DECREE was not unilaterally accepted in all the lands.

Rema: Particularly in a plce where it is known that his decree wasn't unilaterally accepted, but basically it applies everywhere. See Section 14 Siman 228 for what one should do if he moved from a place where they are stringent on this ruling to a place where they are more lenient.

AND HE ONLY EXTENDED THE DECREE until the end of the 5th centure (i.e. 500 years from when he said it).

Rema: In any case, in all of these lands, the decree and the custom stand in their place, and we don't marry two women, and this is a punishable offense, and we force someone who did marry two wives to divorce one of them. And there are those who say that in this day and age, we shouldn't punish one who disobeys this decree because the fifth century [since it was declared] has already passed [and so it is expired], but this is not our custom.

There are those who say that one whose wife refuses to accept a Get, he can serve it to her through someone else and then marry another, and this is the custom in some places. And in a place where this is not the custom, one should not be stringent, and a man may marry a second [wife] without divorcing the first.