Kedusha of Marital Relations
- Ramban’s Igeret HaKadosh- “When sexual intercourse is done for the sake of heaven, there is nothing so holy and pure … G-d did not create anything that is ugly or shameful. If the sexual organs are said to be shameful, how can it be said that the Creator fashioned something blemished?”
- The Zohar- “The Divine Presence rests on the marital bed when both male and female are united in love and holiness. After the destruction of the Jerusalem Temple, the bedroom in each home was considered as an aspect of the once glorious and sanctified Holy of Holies.”
The Requirement of Mutual Interest/Desire
- Torah Lishmah, Orach Chaim 72- The Ben Ish Chai, Reb Yosef Chaim of Baghdad, said, “There is no good in being intimate without desire; on the contrary, it is necessary that he (there be) have (mutual) the desire.”
Women’s Enjoyment of the Mitzvah
- Menorat Hamaor 185- Written in his famous book Menorat Hamaor, Rabbi Yitzchak Abuhav says, “He (the husband) should draw her (his wife’s) heart with seductive, graceful words of love and desire until he binds her thoughts to his and she desires to be intimate.
- Rabbi Avraham Perlmutter writes in Damesek Eliezer- “Afterward (after marital relations), he should continue to converse lightly and lovingly with her (his wife) in order that she not think that his whole intent on speaking this way earlier was for his own sake (selfishness) and pleasure…”
- Sanhedrin 58a- “Since she has no pleasure (enjoyment) in the action (marital relations), she does not cleave [to her husband]”
- Tosefot HaRosh, Horayot 10b- “The marital relations of the Imahos (Matriarchs) were for their (the Imahos) pleasure”
- Igros Moshe Even HaEzer 1:102- “To properly fulfill the mitzvah of onah, a husband “must desire to please his wife “and acquire (learn) an “ability to respond to her” (how to please her sexually) and show her how much he cares about her