(ב) כי אם לשארו. אֵין שְׁאֵרוֹ אֶלָּא אִשְׁתּוֹ :
(2) Only for the relative - The phrase "his relative" can only mean his wife."
() [ד] "כי אם לשארו הקרוב אליו"-- אין "שארו" אלא אשתו שנאמר "שאר אביך הִוא"...
"Only for the relative that is near to him.." The phrase his "relative/flesh" can only mean his wife. As we see in Leviticus 18:8: "... She is your father's flesh."
(ד) כָּל הַקְּרוֹבִים שֶׁהַכֹּהֵן מִטָּמֵא לָהֶם, שֶׁהֵם: אָבִיו, וְאִמּוֹ, וּבְנוֹ, וּבִתּוֹ, וְאָחִיו, וַאֲחוֹתוֹ מֵאָבִיו הַבְּתוּלָה, וְאִשְׁתּוֹ, מִתְאַבְּלִים עֲלֵיהֶם. וְעוֹד הוֹסִיפוּ עֲלֵיהֶם: אָחִיו מֵאִמּוֹ, וַאֲחוֹתוֹ מֵאִמּוֹ, בֵּין בְּתוּלָה בֵּין נְשׂוּאָה, וַאֲחוֹתוֹ נְשׂוּאָה מֵאָבִיו, שֶׁמִּתְאַבְּלִים עֲלֵיהֶם אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵין כֹּהֵן מִטָּמֵא לָהֶם. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁהוּא מִתְאַבֵּל עַל אִשְׁתּוֹ, כָּךְ הִיא מִתְאַבֶּלֶת עָלָיו. וְדַוְקָא אִשְׁתּוֹ כְּשֵׁרָה וּנְשׂוּאָה, אֲבָל פְּסוּלָה אוֹ אֲרוּסָה, לֹא. אֲבָל בְּנוֹ, וּבִתּוֹ, וְאָחִיו, וַאֲחוֹתוֹ, אֲפִלּוּ הֵם פְּסוּלִים, מִתְאַבֵּל עֲלֵיהֶם, חוּץ מִבְּנוֹ, וּבִתּוֹ וְאָחִיו וַאֲחוֹתוֹ מִשִּׁפְחָה וְכוּתִית, שֶׁאֵינוֹ מִתְאַבֵּל עֲלֵיהֶם.
(4) All the relatives for whom a kohen must become impure – his father, his mother, his son, his daughter, his brother and his virgin sister through his father, and his wife – one mourns them. They [i.e. the sages] further added to them – his brother from his mother, his sister from his mother whether a virgin or married and his married sister through his father – one mourns for them, even though a kohen may not become impure for them. Also, just as one mourns for his wife, thus also she mourns for him [her husband] – but only for his wife who is permitted to him and who is married, but if she is forbidden to him or [only] betrothed, one does not [mourn]. However, for his son, his daughter, his brother and his sister – even though they are [from an] invalid [pairing], he mourns them, except for his son, his daughter, his brother or his sister from a maidservant or a gentile – he does not mourn them.
(א) אֵלוּ דְּבָרִים שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בָּהֶם: בִּמְלָאכָה, בִּרְחִיצָה וְסִיכָה וּנְעִילַת הַסַנְדָּל וְתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, וְאָסוּר לִקְרוֹת בַּתּוֹרָה, וְאָסוּר בִּשְׁאֵלַת שָׁלוֹם וּבִכְבִיסָה, וְחַיָּב בַּעֲטִיפַת הָרֹאשׁ וּבִכְפִיַּת הַמִּטָּה, כָּל שִׁבְעָה, וְאָסוּר לְהַנִּיחַ תְּפִלִין בַּיּוֹם הָרִאשׁוֹן, וְאָסוּר בְּגִהוּץ וּבְתִסְפֹּרֶת וְשִׂמְחָה וְאִחוּי קֶרַע כָּל ל' יוֹם וְכָל דִּבְרֵי אֲבֵלוּת נוֹהֲגִין בֵּין בַּיּוֹם בֵּין בַּלַּיְלָה (בִּתְשׁוּבַת הָרַשְׁבָּ''א סִימָן תמ''ו).
(1) These are the things which are forbidden to the mourner – melacha (work), washing, annointing with oils (perfume), wearing shoes, sexual relations (lit. use of the bed). And it is forbidden to read from the Torah and forbidden to say hello or do laundry, and one is obligated to wrap one’s head and to overturn the bed all seven days (i.e. of shiva). And it is forbidden to lay tefillin on the first day and it is forbidden to iron or to get a haircut, or to be happy and to stitch together the tear all thirty days (and all of the elements of mourning are in effect whether it is day or night)
One answer is that old age itself has changed. In the past, surviving into old age was uncommon, and those who did survive served a special purpose as guardians of tradition, knowledge, and history. They tended to maintain their status and authority as heads of the household until death. In many societies, elders not only commanded respect and obedience but also led sacred rites and wielded political power. So much respect accrued to the elderly that people used to pretend to be older than they were, not younger, when giving their age. People have always lied about how old they are. Demographers call the phenomenon “age heaping” and have devised complex quantitative contortions to correct for all the lying in censuses. They have also noticed that, during the eighteenth century, in the United States and Europe, the direction of our lies changed. Whereas today people often understate their age to census takers, studies of past censuses have revealed that they used to overstate it. The dignity of old age was something to which everyone aspired.
But age no longer has the value of rarity. In America, in 1790, people aged sixty-five or older constituted less than 2 percent of the population; today, they are 14 percent. In Germany, Italy, and Japan, they exceed 20 percent. China is now the first country on earth with more than 100 million elderly people. (Being Mortal, Atul Gawande, 17-18)
Judaism gets death right. It instructs us what to do when we know least well what to do and feel an overwhelming need to do something. You should sit like this. We will. You should dress like this. We will. You should say these words at these moments, even if you have to read from transliteration. I think that really captures very well how ritual can be very helpful at times when you don't know what to do or what to say or how to dress. And, you know, the Jewish rituals for mourning the dead tell you what to do for all those things. (Jonathan Safran Foer, Here I Am)
(ו) כָּל מִי שֶׁמִּתְאַבֵּל עָלָיו, מִתְאַבֵּל עִמּוֹ אִם מֵת לוֹ מֵת. וְדַוְקָא בְּעוֹדוֹ בְּפָנָיו, אֲבָל שֶׁלֹּא בְּפָנָיו אֵין צָרִיךְ לִנְהֹג אֲבֵלוּת... הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּהָאִידָּנָא נוֹהֲגִין לְהָקֵל בַּאֲבֵלוּת זֶה שֶׁל הַמִתְאַבְּלִים עִמּוֹ, דְּאֵין זֶה אֶלָּא מִשּׁוּם כְּבוֹד הַמִתְאַבְּלִים, וְעַכְשָׁו נָהֲגוּ כֻּלָּם לִמְחֹל... וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם נָהֲגוּ שֶׁכָּל קְרוֹבֵי הַמֵּת, הַפְּסוּלִין לוֹ לְעֵדוּת, מַרְאִין קְצָת אֲבֵלוּת בְּעַצְמָן כָּל שָׁבוּעַ הָרִאשׁוֹנָה, דְּהַיְנוּ עַד אַחַר שַׁבָּת הָרִאשׁוֹן, שֶׁאֵינָן רוֹחֲצִים וְאֵין מְשַׁנִּים קְצָת בִּגְדֵיהֶם כְּמוֹ בִּשְׁאָר שַׁבָּת ... וְמִי שֶׁרוֹצֶה לְהַחְמִיר עַל עַצְמוֹ לְהִתְאַבֵּל עַל מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ, אוֹ לִלְבֹּשׁ שְׁחֹרִים עַל קְרוֹבוֹ, אֵין מוֹחִין בְּיָדוֹ (הָרֹא''שׁ כְּלָל כ''ז דִּין ט').
(6) All whom one mourns, he mourns with him if a relative [of the latter, i.e. the one for whom the first would mourn were the latter to die] dies. But this is only in his presence, but when not in his presence, it is not necessary to conduct mourning rituals. ...Rema: And there are those who say that nowadays, the practice is to be lenient in this mourning with those for whom one would mourn, because this is only for the honor of the mourners, and nowadays all of them relinquish their honor. ... But in any event, the practice is that all the relatives of the dead person who are forbidden to him as witnesses indicate a little of mourning themselves for all of the first week. That is to say, until after the first Shabbat, they do not wash and they do not change some of their clothing as they would on other Shabbatot... [But] one who wants to be stringent for himself to mourn one for whom it is not necessary or to wear black on account of his relative, we do not prevent him}.
(י) עַל רַבּוֹ שֶׁלִּמְּדוֹ חָכְמָה נוֹהֵג דִּינֵי אֲנִינוּת, אֶלָּא שֶׁמְּבָרֵךְ וּמְזַמֵּן וּמִתְאַבֵּל עָלָיו בַּחֲלִיצַת סַנְדָּל וְכָל דִּינֵי אֲבֵלוּת, יוֹם אֶחָד...
For the teacher/rabbi who taught him wisdom, he practices the laws of aninut, but he says his blessings & joins a group to recite the grace after meals (during that time). And he practices mourning rites for him by not wearing (leather) shoes, and following the other customs of mourning for a day.