GROSS: So you were afraid to tell your parents that you were gay in part because your father's a psychologist. You were afraid that he'd sign you up against your will for aversion therapy or electroshock therapy. How seriously did you worry about that?
JONES: Well, I was very concerned about it, and I delayed telling my parents until I was 18 so that they would no longer have the legal right to have me committed and be subjected to these procedures that are really, pretty barbaric. And, you know, I think those fears were well-founded because for the first couple of years after I came out, there was very little contact with him. And he really wanted (me) to be cured, and I kept saying there's nothing to cure. Later, we were able to reconcile somewhat, but my fears were certainly grounded in reality.
GROSS: And you write that you were hoarding pills. You - it sounds like you had a suicide plan just in case. What was the just in case?
JONES: Yeah. I felt that my life was over before it really even began because it just seemed then that there was no way to have a decent life and to be gay. So I was terrified that I was going to be caught, and I had already experienced quite a bit of bullying. And, you know, I just thought that only misery lay ahead, and that if I - when I got caught that would be the solution. I wish I could say that was a thing of the past. But, you know, it's not. And even today every year we lose an awful lot of young people, teenagers, who take their own lives because they're - they are gay or transgender.
By Gilly Rosenthal
I finally came out to my mother in 1994. It was one of the most difficult and frightening things I've ever done, and it was painful for both of us. Even so, it left me feeling freer and stronger and very proud of myself, and I felt a powerful need to mark the occasion with a ceremony. So the next Saturday, I went to synagogue, and when I got there, I knew the perfect way for me to celebrate.
I was brought up Orthodox, and in that tradition men and women have very different roles in ritual. Only men are allowed to go up to the Torah during the service and say the blessing over the reading — this is called an aliyah, and it's considered and honor. The synagogue I attend is now egalitarian, so woman and men have equal roles, and it's quite common for a woman to have an aliyah, but I had never had one before. But when I got to shul (synagogue), it suddenly hit me that taking an aliyah was just what I was looking for. I was there early, and I approached a woman in the hall and asked her how one went about getting an aliyah. She said, "I don't know, I think they may have already assigned them." When she saw my disappointment, she asked, "Was there a particular reason you were interested?" I took a deep breath, nervous of her reaction, and said quietly "I just came out to my mother as bisexual." And instead of the dismissal that I had half expected, she gave me a great big smile and said, "Mazel tov! That's wonderful!" And another woman who had been standing nearby overheard us, and came over to say, "How did it go? Do you know about the Bisexual Resource Center? They might have some helpful information for your parents." And someone else turned to us and said, "What about P-FLAG? They're pretty good."
Instead of being cut off from my community, I was surrounded and supported and loved and respected. It felt so wonderful. Everyone made sure I got my aliyah.
My Hebrew name was read to call me up — Gilana Mia bas Abba v'Sara Leah, Gilana Mia daughter of Arthur and Sandie — I felt as though G-d himself were calling upon me. I stood before the Torah in front of the entire congregation, wrapped in a borrowed tallit, just as my father has wrapped me in his when I was a child. My voice was trembling with emotion as I sang the prayer, but it felt to me as though it filled the room and beyond to Jerusalem. Tears filled my eyes so that the Torah in from of me shimmered and the words danced — tears of sorrow for those parts of me I had denied for so long, and tears of joy for that perfect moment that allowed me to finally be all that I am.
As one who can love men and love women and love the Torah too, I did not choose to be a bisexual Jew, but it has brought me a special wisdom and strength. I guess you could call it a blessing.
Even though I know that God is not a gendered person, it's easier for me, as a bisexual Jew, to envision Him/Her/It as having masculine and feminine sides. Just as I love and appreciate men and woman for their differences and similarities, I love all the faces of God that I can see.
http://ritualwell.org/ritual/i-can-love-all-faces-god
(ה) כיצד מאיימין את העדים על עדי נפשות. היו מכניסין אותן ומאיימין עליהן. שמא תאמרו מאומד. ומשמועה. עד מפי עד ומפי אדם נאמן שמענו. או שמא אי אתם יודעין שסופינו לבדוק אתכם בדרישה ובחקירה. הוו יודעין שלא כדיני ממונות דיני נפשות. דיני ממונות אדם נותן ממון ומתכפר לו. דיני נפשות דמו ודם זרעיותיו תלוין בו עד סוף העולם שכן מצינו בקין שהרג את אחיו. שנאמר (בראשית ד, י) דמי אחיך צועקים. אינו אומר דם אחיך אלא דמי אחיך. דמו ודם זרעיותיו. דבר אחר דמי אחיך שהיה דמו מושלך על העצים ועל האבנים. לפיכך נברא אדם יחידי ללמדך. שכל המאבד נפש אחת מישראל. מעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו איבד עולם מלא. וכל המקיים נפש אחת מישראל מעלה עליו הכתוב כאילו קיים עולם מלא. ומפני שלום הבריות. שלא יאמר אדם לחבירו אבא גדול מאביך. ושלא יהו מינין אומרים הרבה רשויות בשמים. ולהגיד גדולתו של הקדוש ברוך הוא. שאדם טובע כמה מטבעות בחותם אחד וכולן דומין זה לזה. ומלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא טבע כל אדם בחותמו של אדם הראשון ואין אחד מהן דומה לחבירו. לפיכך כל אחד ואחד חייב לומר בשבילי נברא העולם. ושמא תאמרו מה לנו ולצרה הזאת. והלא כבר נאמר (ויקרא ה, א) והוא עד או ראה או ידע אם לא יגיד וגומר. ושמא תאמרו מה לנו לחוב בדמו של זה. והלא כבר נאמר (משלי יא, י) באבוד רשעים רנה:
(5) How do we press the witnesses in a capital case? We bring them in [to the court's chambers] and press them: "Perhaps what you say [isn't eyewitness testimony] is but your own assessment, or from rumors, or your witnessing an actual witness testify, or your reporting what a trustworthy said. Or perhaps you were unaware that by the end we'd interrogate you, with examination and inquiry. Know that capital cases are not like monetary ones. In monetary cases, [a false witness] can return the money and achieve atonement. But in capital cases, the blood of [the victim [and all his future offspring hang upon you until the end of time. For thus we find in regard to Cain, who killed his brother, "The bloods of your brother scream out!" (Genesis 4:10) - the verse does not say blood of your brother, but bloods of your brother, because it was his blood and also the blood of his future offspring [screaming out]! [Another explanation of the verse: for his blood was splattered over the trees and rocks [there was more than one pool of blood]. [The judges' speech continues] "It was for this reason that man was first created as one person [Adam], to teach you that anyone who destroys a life is considered by Scripture to have destroyed an entire world; and anyone who saves a life is as if he saved an entire world." And also, to promote peace among the creations, that no man would say to his friend, "My ancestors are greater than yours." And also, so that heretics will not say, "there are many rulers up in Heaven." And also, to express the grandeur of The Holy One [blessed be He]: For a man strikes many coins from the same die, and all the coins are alike. But the King, the King of Kings, The Holy One [blessed be He] strikes every man from the die of the First Man, and yet no man is quite like his friend. Therefore, every person must say, “For my sake the world was created.” [The judges' speech continues:] "Maybe you [the witnesses] will now say, 'What do we need this, and all this anxiety for [let's not come forward even with true testimony]!' But Scripture has already spoken: "If he be a witness - having seen or known - if he does not express it, he shall bear his sin." (Lev. 5:1) Maybe you will now say, 'What do we need this, to be responsible for another man's death?' But Scripture has already spoken: "When the wicked are destroyed there is rejoicing." (Prov. 11:10)"
(א) ותקרבנה בנות צלפחד - כיון ששמעו בנות צלפחד שהארץ מתחלקת לשבטים ולא לנקבות, נתקבצו כולן זו על זו ליטול עצה. אמרו: לא כרחמי ב"ו רחמי המקום! ב"ו רחמיו על הזכרים יותר מן הנקבות, אבל מי שאמר והיה העולם אינו כן, אלא על הזכרים ועל הנקבות, רחמיו על הכל, שנאמר תהלים קמה טוב ה' לכל ורחמיו על כל מעשיו:
(1) (Bamidbar 27:1) "And there drew near the daughters of Tzelofchad": When the daughters of Tzelofchad heard that the land was to be apportioned to the tribes and not to females, they gathered together to take counsel, saying: Not as the mercies of flesh and blood are the mercies of the L-rd. The mercies of flesh and blood are greater for males than for females. Not so the mercies of He who spoke and brought the world into being. His mercies are for males and females (equally). His mercies are for all! As it is written (Psalms 145:9) "The L-rd is good to all, and His mercies are upon all of His creations."
(ד) כיצד שוה(האננדרוגינוס) לאנשים ולנשים?
חייבים על מכתו ועל קללתו כאנשים וכנשים
וההורגו שוגג גולה ומזיד נהרג כאנשים ונשים
ויושבת עליו דם טמא ודם טהור כאנשים וכנשים
וחולק בקדשי קדשים כאנשים וכנשים ונוחל לכל הנחלות כאנשים וכנשים
ואם אמר הריני נזיר שזה איש ואשה הרי זה נזיר:
In what way's are those of androgynous gender treated (Halakhicly) like men, and in what ways like women?
They are liable for hitting or cursing there parents like male (children) and like female (children).
One who kills an androgynous person accidentally is exiled, and purposefully is executed.
One who gives birth to an androgynous baby, follows the rituals of purification, just like one who gives birth to a male or female baby.
An androgynous (Kohen) may eat sacred food of the provinces, just like male and female (Kohanim).
And if they declare themselves to be a Nazir, they are a Nazir like any other man or woman.