אָמַר רַבִּי אַחָא בַּר חֲנִינָא כׇּל הַמְבַקֵּר חוֹלֶה נוֹטֵל אֶחָד מִשִּׁשִּׁים בְּצַעֲרוֹ אָמְרִי לֵיהּ אִם כֵּן לִיעַלּוּן שִׁיתִּין וְלוֹקְמוּהּ אֲמַר לֵיהּ כְּעִישּׂוּרְיָיתָא דְּבֵי רַבִּי ...
יָצָא רַבִּי עֲקִיבָא וְדָרַשׁ כׇּל מִי שֶׁאֵין מְבַקֵּר חוֹלִים כְּאִילּוּ שׁוֹפֵךְ דָּמִים...
Rav Aḥa bar Ḥanina said: Anyone who visits an ill person takes from him one-sixtieth of his suffering. The Sages said to him: If so, let sixty people enter to visit him, and stand him up, and restore him to health! Rav Aḥa bar Ḥanina said to them: It is like the tenths of the school of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, who said that each of one’s daughters inherits one-tenth of his possessions. His intent was that each daughter would receive one-tenth of the remainder after the previous daughter took her portion. Here too, each visitor takes from the ill person one-sixtieth of the suffering that remains, and consequently a degree of suffering will always remain with the ill person. ...
Rabbi Akiva went out and taught: With regard to anyone who does not visit the sick, it is as though he is spilling blood, as it could be that the sick person has no one to care for him. If there are no visitors, no one will know his situation and therefore no one will come to his aid...
Questions To Consider
a. What do you make of the 1/60 formula? Do you believe that a visit to someone who is unwell can actually really remove a measure of their pain?
b. Why can't sixty visitors make one person well?
c. What do you make of Rabbi Akiva's assertion that to fail to visit the sick is the equivalent of killing a person?
d. Share an experience of when you visited with someone who was unwell, or someone visited you when you were unwell, and it felt like it made a difference?
רַבִּי חִיָּיא בַּר אַבָּא חֲלַשׁ. עָל לְגַבֵּיהּ רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן אֲמַר לֵיהּ: חֲבִיבִין עָלֶיךָ יִסּוּרִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לֹא הֵן וְלֹא שְׂכָרָן. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: הַב לִי יְדָךְ. יְהַב לֵיהּ יְדֵיהּ, וְאוֹקְמֵיהּ.
רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן חֲלַשׁ. עָל לְגַבֵּיהּ רַבִּי חֲנִינָא. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: חֲבִיבִין עָלֶיךָ יִסּוּרִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לֹא הֵן וְלֹא שְׂכָרָן. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: הַב לִי יְדָךְ. יְהַב לֵיהּ יְדֵיהּ, וְאוֹקְמֵיהּ.
אַמַּאי, לוֹקִים רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן לְנַפְשֵׁיהּ?
אָמְרִי: אֵין חָבוּשׁ מַתִּיר עַצְמוֹ מִבֵּית הָאֲסוּרִים...
Rabbi Hiyya bar Abba fell ill. His teacher, Rabbi Yohanan, came to visit him, and said: "Is your pain welcome to you?" "No!" replied Rabbi Hiyya, "not my pain, and not any reward it might bring me!" "Give me your hand," said Rabbi Yohanan - and he did, and Rabbi Yohanan raised him up.
Then Rabbi Yohanan fell ill, and Rabbi Hanina came to visit him, and said, "Is your pain welcome to you?" "No!" replied Rabbi Yohanan, "not my pain, and not any reward it might bring me!" "Give me your hand," said Rabbi Hanina - and he did, and Rabbi Hanina raised him up.
Really? Could Rabbi Yohanan not raise himself up on his own?
No. The prisoner cannot release himself from prison...
[note: we'll revisit this text and continue the narrative in the source sheet for chapter 7.]
Questions To Consider
a. Rabbi Yohanan was an exceptional healer. From where do you think his healing powers derived?
b. What do you think made Rabbi Yohanan sick?
c. Why is it so challenging for caregivers-- especially those who know how important it is to receive help when we're suffering-- to accept help themselves?
d. Have you experienced secondary or vicarious trauma from caregiving-- exhaustion, cynicism, avoidance, irritability, addiction, helplessness? Where in your body did it live? What did you do to metabolize the suffering and regain your equanimity?
Invitation To Practice: Tell the Truth (The Amen Effect p.187):
Don't pretend you're okay when you're not. As hard as it is-- especially for caregivers-- to admit that you're in pain, doing so signals that you need support and gives others a chance to step up and respond with compassion