Golden Calf, Ehud Banai's lyrics
Lyrics to Ehud Banai's עגל הזהב (Golden Calf)
We are here, in the heart of the desert,
Thirsty for living water
You're on top of the mountain
Above the clouds
There is no sign
No signal
So many days
In a closed circuit we circle
Around the Golden Calf.
There's no one to hit the rock
Who will give direction?
In the darkness fighting over every crumb
Around the Golden Calf
He isn't coming down from the mountain top
He isn't coming down to the people
They break into a crazy dance
Forgetting themselves
Dancing around the Golden Calf
Around the Golden Calf
Begging it: “Please don't leave us now; Be for us as a father!”
An abandoned flock, dancing around it
Calling to it in vain
Golden Calf Golden Calf
וַיַּ֣רְא הָעָ֔ם כִּֽי־בֹשֵׁ֥שׁ מֹשֶׁ֖ה לָרֶ֣דֶת מִן־הָהָ֑ר וַיִּקָּהֵ֨ל הָעָ֜ם עַֽל־אַהֲרֹ֗ן וַיֹּאמְר֤וּ אֵלָיו֙ ק֣וּם ׀ עֲשֵׂה־לָ֣נוּ אֱלֹהִ֗ים אֲשֶׁ֤ר יֵֽלְכוּ֙ לְפָנֵ֔ינוּ כִּי־זֶ֣ה ׀ מֹשֶׁ֣ה הָאִ֗ישׁ אֲשֶׁ֤ר הֶֽעֱלָ֙נוּ֙ מֵאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרַ֔יִם לֹ֥א יָדַ֖עְנוּ מֶה־הָ֥יָה לֽוֹ׃ וַיֹּ֤אמֶר אֲלֵהֶם֙ אַהֲרֹ֔ן פָּֽרְקוּ֙ נִזְמֵ֣י הַזָּהָ֔ב אֲשֶׁר֙ בְּאׇזְנֵ֣י נְשֵׁיכֶ֔ם בְּנֵיכֶ֖ם וּבְנֹתֵיכֶ֑ם וְהָבִ֖יאוּ אֵלָֽי׃
When the people saw that Moses was shamefully-late in coming down from the mountain, the people gathered against Aaron and said to him, “Come, make us a god who shall go before us, for that fellow Moses—the man who brought us from the land of Egypt—we do not know what has happened to him.” Aaron said to them, “[You men,] take off the gold rings that are on the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.”
Abandonment
Jan Nameira in Faith (2014) interviewing Michael Eigen:
JM: "A lot of therapy is about the slow recovery of faith"...... 'can you say more about how you think therapy or analysis can help? Is this something that can be taught?"
ME: Winnicot talks about X time that mother's away from baby, mother comes back, baby recovers. X plus Y time away from baby, mother comes back, baby a little more shaky but comes back OK enough. X plus Y plus Z time away from the baby, and there's a permanent alteration to the psyche. Yes, the baby comes back, but in what form? Altered. Something else. Maybe a deformity's been added. Sometimes we get reborn as monsters, sometimes we get reborn as shrunken, sometimes we get reborn as rageful, but something happens to us and we're not the same. How could we be the same? (p.118)
The Slow Recovery of Faith
Michael Eigen
"a lot of therapy is about the slow recovery of faith (2014, p. 118) ... faith is the vehicle that radically opens experiencing and plays a role in building tolerance for experience ... it is germane to the fervour and possibility of existence, tension, and struggle, with roots in grace. Faith rooted in profound grace deeper than catastrophe [traumatic emotional reality], a sense that has impact on the flavor of our lives.
Michael Eigen, On the Area of Faith, p. 124)
Michael Eigen, Ph.D., is a psychologist and psychoanalyst. He is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology (adjunct) in the Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis at New York University, and a Senior Member of the National Psychological Association for Psychoanalysis. He is the author of twenty-six books.
Leaning in to Uncertainty (Parashat Ki Tisa)
by Rachel Anisfeld
The basic truth of human existence is uncertainty. We are fragile creatures in a constantly changing environment. Our loved ones are at times delayed in returning; we get sick; we get old; our children undergo difficulty; we don’t know what will happen next and we don’t always know the right next step to take. We don’t know the future and we can’t control it. Lo yadanu. We don’t know, and this not knowing is uncomfortable, makes us uneasy and anxious and restless.
And so the urge arises, right alongside this unease, to escape the uncertainty by acting, by doing something in the external world – making arrangements, sending emails, going online, eating, drinking, cleaning, working, playing video games, building a wall, whatever it is – all in order to alleviate our anxiety, to give us something concrete, like the golden calf, to hold on to.
Staying with the Uncertainty
But maybe something else is called for – the ability to simply be with the discomfort of not knowing, to let go of the story around it and the desperate urge to resolve it, to get underneath the movement outward, and stay with the sensation of unease in our bodies, to tolerate that shakiness and, instead of running away from it, to enter into it.
We can, over time, learn to live in the questions. I don’t know what will happen and I’m not sure what to do next. I can sit in the discomfort of that question – how do i move forward – sit in the discomfort of not being sure, not knowing what’s next, and allow myself to live in the question until, in its own good time, an answer comes, not the answer of restless desperate rushing energy, but the slow clarity of a rising sun. There is relief here in the waiting, in the allowing, in the learning to sit in the not knowing, a sense of – yes, I don’t know, but I also don’t need to know.
Excerpt from Essay that can be found here https://rachelanisfeld.com/2023/03/09/essay-leaning-in-to-uncertainty-parashat-ki-tisa/
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY
by Rachel Barenblat-- The Velveteen Rabbi
Already so many changes.
Our long column of refugees
snaking into the wilderness.
Through the sandal-sucking mud
where the waters had been.
Their men and horses consumed.
And then that Voice
speaking directly into us,
reverberating in our chests...!
But Moshe ascended by himself
into the sapphire sky
and he didn't come back.
Of course we asked Aharon
to make something to remind us
we weren't as alone as we felt.
וַיִּ֜פֶן וַיֵּ֤רֶד מֹשֶׁה֙ מִן־הָהָ֔ר וּשְׁנֵ֛י לֻחֹ֥ת הָעֵדֻ֖ת בְּיָד֑וֹ לֻחֹ֗ת כְּתֻבִים֙ מִשְּׁנֵ֣י עֶבְרֵיהֶ֔ם מִזֶּ֥ה וּמִזֶּ֖ה הֵ֥ם כְּתֻבִֽים׃ וְהַ֨לֻּחֹ֔ת מַעֲשֵׂ֥ה אֱלֹהִ֖ים הֵ֑מָּה וְהַמִּכְתָּ֗ב מִכְתַּ֤ב אֱלֹהִים֙ ה֔וּא חָר֖וּת עַל־הַלֻּחֹֽת׃ וַיִּשְׁמַ֧ע יְהוֹשֻׁ֛עַ אֶת־ק֥וֹל הָעָ֖ם בְּרֵעֹ֑ה וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה ק֥וֹל מִלְחָמָ֖ה בַּֽמַּחֲנֶֽה׃ וַיֹּ֗אמֶר אֵ֥ין קוֹל֙ עֲנ֣וֹת גְּבוּרָ֔ה וְאֵ֥ין ק֖וֹל עֲנ֣וֹת חֲלוּשָׁ֑ה ק֣וֹל עַנּ֔וֹת אָנֹכִ֖י שֹׁמֵֽעַ׃ וַֽיְהִ֗י כַּאֲשֶׁ֤ר קָרַב֙ אֶל־הַֽמַּחֲנֶ֔ה וַיַּ֥רְא אֶת־הָעֵ֖גֶל וּמְחֹלֹ֑ת וַיִּֽחַר־אַ֣ף מֹשֶׁ֗ה וַיַּשְׁלֵ֤ךְ מִיָּדָו֙ אֶת־הַלֻּחֹ֔ת וַיְשַׁבֵּ֥ר אֹתָ֖ם תַּ֥חַת הָהָֽר׃ וַיִּקַּ֞ח אֶת־הָעֵ֨גֶל אֲשֶׁ֤ר עָשׂוּ֙ וַיִּשְׂרֹ֣ף בָּאֵ֔שׁ וַיִּטְחַ֖ן עַ֣ד אֲשֶׁר־דָּ֑ק וַיִּ֙זֶר֙ עַל־פְּנֵ֣י הַמַּ֔יִם וַיַּ֖שְׁקְ אֶת־בְּנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃
“It is not the sound of the tune of triumph,
Or the sound of the tune of defeat;
It is the sound of song that I hear!” As soon as Moses came near the camp and saw the calf and the dancing, he became enraged; and he hurled the tablets from his hands and shattered them at the foot of the mountain. He took the calf that they had made and burned it; he ground it to powder and strewed it upon the water and so made the Israelites drink it.
(יב) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֜ה אֶל־יְהֹוָ֗ה רְ֠אֵ֠ה אַתָּ֞ה אֹמֵ֤ר אֵלַי֙ הַ֚עַל אֶת־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֔ה וְאַתָּה֙ לֹ֣א הֽוֹדַעְתַּ֔נִי אֵ֥ת אֲשֶׁר־תִּשְׁלַ֖ח עִמִּ֑י וְאַתָּ֤ה אָמַ֙רְתָּ֙ יְדַעְתִּ֣יךָֽ בְשֵׁ֔ם וְגַם־מָצָ֥אתָ חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינָֽי׃ (יג) וְעַתָּ֡ה אִם־נָא֩ מָצָ֨אתִי חֵ֜ן בְּעֵינֶ֗יךָ הוֹדִעֵ֤נִי נָא֙ אֶת־דְּרָכֶ֔ךָ וְאֵדָ֣עֲךָ֔ לְמַ֥עַן אֶמְצָא־חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶ֑יךָ וּרְאֵ֕ה כִּ֥י עַמְּךָ֖ הַגּ֥וֹי הַזֶּֽה׃ (יד) וַיֹּאמַ֑ר פָּנַ֥י יֵלֵ֖כוּ וַהֲנִחֹ֥תִי לָֽךְ׃ (טו) וַיֹּ֖אמֶר אֵלָ֑יו אִם־אֵ֤ין פָּנֶ֙יךָ֙ הֹלְכִ֔ים אַֽל־תַּעֲלֵ֖נוּ מִזֶּֽה׃ (טז) וּבַמֶּ֣ה ׀ יִוָּדַ֣ע אֵפ֗וֹא כִּֽי־מָצָ֨אתִי חֵ֤ן בְּעֵינֶ֙יךָ֙ אֲנִ֣י וְעַמֶּ֔ךָ הֲל֖וֹא בְּלֶכְתְּךָ֣ עִמָּ֑נוּ וְנִפְלִ֙ינוּ֙ אֲנִ֣י וְעַמְּךָ֔ מִכׇּ֨ל־הָעָ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֖ר עַל־פְּנֵ֥י הָאֲדָמָֽה׃ {פ}
(יז) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהֹוָה֙ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה גַּ֣ם אֶת־הַדָּבָ֥ר הַזֶּ֛ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר דִּבַּ֖רְתָּ אֶֽעֱשֶׂ֑ה כִּֽי־מָצָ֤אתָ חֵן֙ בְּעֵינַ֔י וָאֵדָעֲךָ֖ בְּשֵֽׁם׃ (יח) וַיֹּאמַ֑ר הַרְאֵ֥נִי נָ֖א אֶת־כְּבֹדֶֽךָ׃ (יט) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר אֲנִ֨י אַעֲבִ֤יר כׇּל־טוּבִי֙ עַל־פָּנֶ֔יךָ וְקָרָ֧אתִֽי בְשֵׁ֛ם יְהֹוָ֖ה לְפָנֶ֑יךָ וְחַנֹּתִי֙ אֶת־אֲשֶׁ֣ר אָחֹ֔ן וְרִחַמְתִּ֖י אֶת־אֲשֶׁ֥ר אֲרַחֵֽם׃ (כ) וַיֹּ֕אמֶר לֹ֥א תוּכַ֖ל לִרְאֹ֣ת אֶת־פָּנָ֑י כִּ֛י לֹֽא־יִרְאַ֥נִי הָאָדָ֖ם וָחָֽי׃ (כא) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר יְהֹוָ֔ה הִנֵּ֥ה מָק֖וֹם אִתִּ֑י וְנִצַּבְתָּ֖ עַל־הַצּֽוּר׃ (כב) וְהָיָה֙ בַּעֲבֹ֣ר כְּבֹדִ֔י וְשַׂמְתִּ֖יךָ בְּנִקְרַ֣ת הַצּ֑וּר וְשַׂכֹּתִ֥י כַפִּ֛י עָלֶ֖יךָ עַד־עׇבְרִֽי׃ (כג) וַהֲסִרֹתִי֙ אֶת־כַּפִּ֔י וְרָאִ֖יתָ אֶת־אֲחֹרָ֑י וּפָנַ֖י לֹ֥א יֵרָאֽוּ׃ {פ}
*(ספק פרשה סתומה בכתר ארם צובה)
(11) יהוה would speak to Moses face to face, as one person speaks to another. And he would then return to the camp; but his attendant, Joshua son of Nun, [serving as] deputy,* would not stir out of the Tent. (12) Moses said to יהוה, “See, You say to me, ‘Lead this people forward,’ but You have not made known to me whom You will send with me. Further, You have said, ‘I have singled you out by name, and you have, indeed, gained My favor.’ (13) Now, if I have truly gained Your favor, pray let me know Your ways, that I may know You and continue in Your favor. Consider, too, that this nation is Your people.” (14) And [God] said, “I will go in the lead and will lighten your burden.” (15) And he replied, “Unless You go in the lead, do not make us leave this place. (16) For how shall it be known that Your people have gained Your favor unless You go with us, so that we may be distinguished, Your people and I, from every people on the face of the earth?” (17) And יהוה said to Moses, “I will also do this thing that you have asked; for you have truly gained My favor and I have singled you out by name.” (18) He said, “Oh, let me behold Your Presence!” (19) And [God] answered, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim before you the name יהוה, and the grace that I grant and the compassion that I show,” (20) continuing, “But you cannot see My face, for a human being may not see Me and live.” (21) And יהוה said, “See, there is a place near Me. Station yourself on the rock (22) and, as My Presence passes by, I will put you in a cleft of the rock and shield you with My hand until I have passed by. (23) Then I will take My hand away and you will see My back; but My face must not be seen.”