Sources from essay by Rabbi David Jaffe in The Mussar Torah Commentary
The Book of Leviticus opens with a detailed description of the sacrificial system that will become central to Israelite worship until the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 CE. If we take a step back from the details of cattle and blood and fat, an important progression emerges in the last parashiyot of the Book of Exodus and the first parashiyot of Leviticus. After the incident of the Golden Calf at Mount Sinai, the Israelites needed a way to repair and then remain in right relationship with God. The Mishkan (the Tabernacle), with its carefully constructed walls and vessels, was established as the setting for this relationship.
Our parashah begins the description of how to engage in this relationship. Indeed, the Hebrew word for "sacrifice" is korban, from the root ק–ר–ב meaning "to draw close." The entire sacrificial system is an exercise in drawing close and being in relationship with God— and, by extension, with oneself and others. Embedded in the details of the sacrificial system are clues to having successful relationships. The middah of generosity (n'divut) is central to the process.
-Rabbi David Jaffe
(2) Speak to the Israelite people, and say to them: When any of you presents an offering of cattle to יהוה: You shall choose your offering from the herd or from the flock. (3) If your offering is a burnt offering from the herd, you shall make your offering a male without blemish. You shall bring it to the entrance of the Tent of Meeting, for acceptance in your behalf before יהוה.
Even within the category of "freewill offering," there is a subtle interplay of responsibility and generous, open-hearted giving. Rashi writes:
What happened here? A person desired to draw close to God through a sacrifice, perhaps as a sign of gratitude. They generously committed to offer a cow, sheep, or other animal. However, some time passed and they did not fulfill their pledge. At this point, their free-will act has obligated them to follow through, just like a pledge to a charity. The Jewish court has the license to compel them to fulfill their pledge. Now, we are in the realm of obligation. Still, this offering must have the quality of ratzon, "desire" and "favor," which is associated with "desiring to give out of free will." For the gift to be favorable to God, its receiver, it needs to be given out of a desire to give, not out of compulsion. The beit din is charged with the diff-cult task of working with the giver until they realize that they actually desire to give. While this scenario may evoke images from B movies of henchmen shaking down a debtor, at a deeper level we are back in the realm of open-hearted free will. This may be a low level of free will, brought about through external compulsion, but there must be at least some desire for the offering to be accepted.
This same interplay of responsibility and open-hearted giving is a feature of many healthy human relationships. Strong relationships cannot rely only on freewill desire to give and connect. Such relation-ships, while feeling good in the moment, are undependable. I want to know that good friends feel committed to me and that they do not base their involvement in the relationship only on how they feel in the moment. On the other hand, relationships must be more than just obligations.
-Rabbi David Jaffe
Think of relationships you are in that feel like obligations. You do what is necessary— make the phone call, show up for certain events— but an important life-force is missing from those relationships. Do you want to be treated as an obligation? How does that feel?
Ideally, a good relationship is built on both — a sense of obligation that binds you to the other person, and the free will to want to be in the relationship and get closer with each interaction. We can apply the same principle to friends and to more intimate relationships with our partners, children, and even parents.
The middah of n'divut, "generosity," as described in the sixteenth century in the anonymously authored Mussar classic The Ways of the Righteous, captures this nuanced way of giving that is so essential to lasting relationships. The author cites Abraham as the paradigm of generosity, giving of his material goods while hosting his guests, giving of his very self while fighting to save his nephew Lot, and giving of his wisdom when teaching his people about the Creator. This analysis may make n'divut sound a lot like chesed (loving-kindness), Abraham's primary soul trait. Indeed, the author writes, "He who gives a great gift to him who asks is half generous. The truly generous man is he who gives always, little or much, before he is asked."
-Rabbi David Jaffe
The sacrificial system, so prominent in Leviticus and Numbers, is a model for being in relationship, for drawing close. Ratzon, "desire," may be the most important element of becoming close to God and others. However, ratzon can be fleeting. We may feel a connection one day and not on the next. Through concrete acts of thoughtful-ness, giving, and love, n'divut, "generosity," helps us turn our ratzon for closeness into habitual behavior. From this internalized sense of responsibility for each other and for God, we create real closeness.
-Rabbi David Jaffe
Questions to Ask
When do you give out of pure freewill desire? When does giving feel like an obligation?
What are some things that you or others do that help you feel close to them? What helps you feel close to God? To yourself?
What would being generous with yourself look like?