In one of the Torah readings for Yom Kippur (Deuteronomy 29:9-14; 30:1-20), the Israelites are presented with choices––blessings, curses, life, death––and told to choose life. For queer people facing bigotry, the choices might not seem so clear. On Yom Kippur, how might we learn from the Israelites’ choices and shape the queer future?
Content warnings: suicide, queerphobia, self-harm, eating disorders
Support: The LGBT National Hotline at (888) 843-4564; Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860; Healthy Minds Philly at 988 or over chat.
Blessing for Torah Study
Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu la'asok b’divrei Torah. Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Sovereign of all, who hallows us with mitzvot, charging us to engage with words of Torah.
Beginning with Our Own Torah
1) Recall or imagine a moment of intense gratitude. Next, recall or imagine a moment of intense loss. How are these moments different and similar?
2) What does it mean to "choose life"? What does it mean for queer people specifically?
(12) It is not in the heavens, that you should say, “Who among us can go up to the heavens and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?” (13) Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, “Who among us can cross to the other side of the sea and get it for us and impart it to us, that we may observe it?” (14) No, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it. (15) See, I set before you this day life and prosperity, death and adversity. (16) For*For Septuagint reads “If you obey the commandments of your God ה׳, which.” I command you this day, to love your God ה׳, to walk in God’s ways, and to keep God’s commandments, God’s laws, and God’s rules, that you may thrive and increase, and that your God ה׳ may bless you in the land that you are about to enter and possess. (17) But if your heart turns away and you give no heed, and are lured into the worship and service of other gods, (18) I declare to you this day that you shall certainly perish; you shall not long endure on the soil that you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. (19) I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life—if you and your offspring would live— (20) by loving your God ה׳, heeding God’s commands, and holding fast to [God]. For thereby you shall have life and shall long endure upon the soil that ה׳ swore to your fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give to them.
THAT THOU MAYEST LIVE. Physically or in memory. Scripture explains that life is to love.
(Devarim 11:26) "Behold, I set before you this day blessing and curse": Because it is written (Ibid. 30:19) "The life and the death have I set before you, the blessing and the curse," lest Israel say: Since the Holy One Blessed be He has set before us two ways, the way of life and the way of death, we can choose whichever we wish; it is, therefore, written (Ibid.) "and you shall choose the life, you and your seed." An analogy: A man is sitting at the crossroads, with two paths stretching before him, one, whose beginning is level and whose end is thorns, and one whose beginning is thorns and whose end is level. He apprises the passersby: This path whose beginning you see to be level — for two or three steps you will walk on level ground, and, in the end, on thorns. And this path whose beginning you see to be thorny — for two or three steps you will walk in thorns, and in the end you will walk on level ground. Thus did Moses speak to Israel: You see the wicked prospering — For two or three days they will prosper in this world, and in the end, they will be cast away....
(א) וּנְתַנֶּה תֹּקֶף קְדֻשַּׁת הַיּוֹם כִּי הוּא נוֹרָא וְאָיֹם וּבוֹ תִּנָּשֵׂא מַלְכוּתֶךָ וְיִכּוֹן בְּחֶסֶד כִּסְאֶךָ וְתֵשֵׁב עָלָיו בְּאֱמֶת
(ב) אֱמֶת כִּי אַתָּה הוּא דַּיָּן וּמוֹכִיחַ וְיוֹדֵעַ וָעֵד וְכוֹתֵב וְחוֹתֵם וְסוֹפֵר וּמוֹנֶה וְתִזְכֹּר כָּל הַנִּשְׁכָּחוֹת וְתִפְתַּח אֶת סֵפֶר הַזִּכְרוֹנוֹת וּמֵאֵלָיו יִקָּרֵא וְחוֹתָם יַד כָּל אָדָם בּוֹ
(ג) וּבְשׁוֹפָר גָּדוֹל יִתָּקַע וְקוֹל דְּמָמָה דַקָּה יִשָׁמַע וּמַלְאָכִים יֵחָפֵזוּן וְחִיל וּרְעָדָה יֹאחֵזוּן וְיֹאמְרוּ הִנֵּה יוֹם הַדִּין לִפְקֹד עַל צְבָא מָרוֹם בַּדִּין כִּי לֹא יִזְכּוּ בְּעֵינֶיךָ בַּדִּין וְכָל בָּאֵי עוֹלָם יַעַבְרוּן לְפָנֶיךָ כִּבְנֵי מָרוֹן כְּבַקָּרַת רוֹעֶה עֶדְרוֹ מַעֲבִיר צֹאנוֹ תַּחַת שִׁבְטוֹ כֵּן תַּעֲבִיר וְתִסְפֹּר וְתִמְנֶה וְתִפְקֹד נֶפֶשׁ כָּל חָי וְתַחְתֹּךְ קִצְבָה לְכָל בְּרִיָּה וְתִכְתֹּב אֶת גְּזַר דִּינָם
(ד) בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה יִכָּתֵבוּן, וּבְיוֹם צוֹם כִּפּוּר יֵחָתֵמוּן. כַּמָּה יַעַבְרוּן, וְכַמָּה יִבָּרֵאוּן, מִי יִחְיֶה, וּמִי יָמוּת, מִי בְקִצּוֹ, וּמִי לֹא בְּקִצּוֹ, מִי בַמַּיִם, וּמִי בָאֵשׁ, מִי בַחֶרֶב, וּמִי בַחַיָּה, מִי בָרָעָב, וּמִי בַצָּמָא, מִי בָרַעַשׁ, וּמִי בַמַּגֵּפָה, מִי בַחֲנִיקָה, וּמִי בַסְּקִילָה, מִי יָנוּחַ, וּמִי יָנוּעַ, מִי יִשָּׁקֵט, וּמִי יְטֹּרֵף, מִי יִשָּׁלֵו, וּמִי יִתְיַסָּר, מִי יַעֲנִי, וּמִי יַעֲשִׁיר, מִי יֻשְׁפַּל, וּמִי יָרוּם. וּתְשׁוּבָה וּתְפִלָּה וּצְדָקָה מַעֲבִירִין אֶת רֹעַ הַגְּזֵרָה.
(ה) כִּי כְּשִׁמְךָ כֵּן תְּהִלָּתֶךָ, קָשֶׁה לִכְעוֹס וְנוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת, כִּי לֹא תַחְפֹּץ בְּמוֹת הַמֵּת, כִּי אִם בְּשׁוּבוֹ מִדַּרְכּוֹ וְחָיָה, וְעַד יוֹם מוֹתוֹ תְּחַכֶּה לוֹ, אִם יָשׁוּב מִיַּד תְּקַבְּלוֹ. (אֱמֶת) כִּי אַתָּה הוּא יוֹצְרָם וְיוֹדֵעַ יִצְרָם, כִּי הֵם בָּשָׂר וָדָם.
(ו) אָדָם יְסוֹדוֹ מֵעָפָר וְסוֹפוֹ לֶעָפָר. בְּנַפְשׁוֹ יָבִיא לַחְמוֹ. מָשׁוּל כְּחֶרֶס הַנִּשְׁבָּר, כְּחָצִיר יָבֵשׁ, וּכְצִיץ נוֹבֵל, כְּצֵל עוֹבֵר, וּכְעָנָן כָּלָה, וּכְרוּחַ נוֹשָׁבֶת, וּכְאָבָק פּוֹרֵחַ, וְכַחֲלוֹם יָעוּף. וְאַתָּה הוּא מֶלֶךְ אֵל חַי וְקַיָּם.
(4) On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed - how many shall pass away and how many shall be born, who shall live and who shall die, who in good time, and who by an untimely death, who by water and who by fire, who by sword and who by wild beast, who by famine and who by thirst, who by earthquake and who by plague, who by strangulation and who by lapidation, who shall have rest and who wander, who shall be at peace and who pursued, who shall be serene and who tormented, who shall become impoverished and who wealthy, who shall be debased, and who exalted. But repentance (teshuvah), prayer (tefillah) and righteousness (tzedakah) avert the severity of the decree.
(5) For your praise is just as your name. You are slow to anger and quick to be appeased. For you do not desire the death of the condemned, rather, that they turn from their path and live and you wait for them until the day of their death, and if they repent, you receive them immediately. (It is true -) [For] you are their Creator and You understand their inclination, for they are but flesh and blood.
(6) We come from dust, and return to dust. We labour by our lives for bread, we are like broken shards, like dry grass, and like a withered flower; like a passing shadow and a vanishing cloud, like a breeze that passes, like dust that scatters, like a fleeting dream. But You are the king who lives eternal.
"Yom Kippur After a Suicide Attempt" by Bracha Schacht, Hey Alma (2021)
Yom Kippur is usually a day of ruminating on all of your sins, apologizing and punishing yourself accordingly. But what if you’re already actively trying to stop ruminating over every little mistake you’ve made? How do you spend a day where most Jews fast and punish themselves, if that’s what you’ve been doing every day? What if your self-punishment is actually the thing you need to atone for?
For some of us, starving is a form of self-harm. It’s a sin I personally committed against myself many times. Does it really make sense to repent for this sin by repeating it? Should I starve myself on Yom Kippur to prove that I’m sorry for all the times I starved myself? It would make more sense to atone by taking excellent care of my body.
Or perhaps your internal dialogue was cruel. Perhaps you said such wicked things to yourself that you would never consider saying them to any other person. My harsh words led to self-hatred, which led to standing in the bathroom with a bottle of pills. If my sin was to mercilessly beat myself up over every little mistake I made this year, I can’t use repentance as an excuse to beat myself up further. I can only atone by offering myself the forgiveness I never gave.
So, in a radical act of self-love, in a year when I need it more than ever, I’ve decided to go easy on myself this Yom Kippur. I will offer myself forgiveness.
Some people may think that I should be prioritizing the sins I committed against others, of which I know there are many. But I think we can all agree that trying to kill an innocent person is one of the greatest sins you can commit. Why shouldn’t that hold true if that person is yourself?
Doing teshuvah for the crimes you’ve committed against yourself and your body involves love, care and forgiveness. I often feel I need permission to give myself these things on a regular day, let alone on a day centered around self-punishment. But this year, I’ve decided to give myself permission. I have felt way too guilty for way too long. I have long denied myself love, care and forgiveness. Now, I’m working to believe that I deserve those things. This year, I’m not looking for anyone else’s permission.
"A Transgender Day of Remembrance Yizkor (Prayer of Remembrance): For Those Who Died Sanctifying Their Names" by Rabbi Ariel Tovlev, Mishkan Ga’avah: Where Pride Dwells (2019)
God full of compassion, remember those whose souls were taken in transphobic violence. Those souls reflected the tremendous, multitudinous splendor of Your creations; they illustrated Your vastness through their ever-expanding variations of being b’tzelem Elohim, of being made in Your image. Source of mercy, provide them the true shelter and peace that they deserved in this world.
Those deaths were caused by hatred in our society. It is upon us to repair this brokenness in our world. May we have the strength to sanction justice, speedily and in our days.
For those who died by murder, we remember them. For those who died by suicide, we remember them. We remember their names, for those names will forever be a blessing.
Nurturing One, comfort all who are mourning. Grant them healing in their hardship.
.וְנֹאמַר: אָמֵן
V’nomar: amein.
And let us say: Amen.
Ending with Our Own Torah
1) Think back to the moments of intense gratitude and intense loss. How might we experience these feelings during Yom Kippur?
2) How can we as queer people choose life? How can we help the queer community "choose life"?
Support: The LGBT National Hotline at (888) 843-4564; Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860; Healthy Minds Philly at 988 or over chat.
"Percentage of adults who had suicide thoughts, plans, or attempts in the past year in the U.S. as of 2022, by sexual identity" by Preeti Vankar (2024)
